I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
