i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
