I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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