this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
