I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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