If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
