the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
