No stitches, just platelets and will power
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
