i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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