we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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