i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
please come you make the beer taste better
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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