he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
