He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
