Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
