I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
