She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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