Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
