If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
