You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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