there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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