You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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