I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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