she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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