i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
