Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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