sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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