yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
