you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
