when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
