How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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