Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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