Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
