the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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