and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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