I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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