i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
