i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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