So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
