The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize