I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
