....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
