Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
