I seem to have left my pride at pride
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
