Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
