Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
