why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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