she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
