KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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