dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
