Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
