I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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