I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
