I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
