I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
