You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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