its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
