this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
