Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
