Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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