You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
