youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
