A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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