I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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