The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
