he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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