i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
